Wednesday, October 1, 2008

A Scene from the Psychiatrist Office


I'll try and commit suicide and I'll fail. Then, some one in my family will set up this set of psychiatrist appointments.

The water jug will gulp it's water back in and blow air bubbles inside of itself the whole time the doctor's sitting there staring at me.

I'll get bored with her mundanity and say, "If you're dying to know exactly what went wrong, I'll tell you, but with a certain pain-staking knifing of my soul."

I always try to be as dramatic as possible when the therapist or psychiatrist is sitting there, staring at me with a twitchy eye, as if they are so concentrated on every word I say. They probably have to listen hard, I mean they've got to have the right questions to ask, ya know? Still though, I like to mess with them. They'll always backtrack and say, "So, you said that you went up to your room and took (insert drug here) and it caused you to _____ in the toilet and when your parents found out, they weren't exactly happy." And just to mess with them, I'll always try and trick them into thinking, "Well, actually my parents were pretty happy with the whole thing, I mean they loved how it went down." And to that, Dr. whoever will say, "Well, isn't that why you're here in the first place? Your parents forced you here."

I don't like it when the doctor gets too personal. Of course, they always do. It's their job.


She sits there waiting for me to say, "Well, of course they forced me here."

I can't help but notice the vein in her neck.

"Doc, do you ever feel like you're asking me all these questions because you're trying to figure something out for yourself? Why did your husband leave you? Do you think that maybe the woman he is sleeping with is better in bed because she doesn't embarrass a sophomore in high school 3 times a week. You always stare at the butter knife on the table. Who's gonna butter their biscuits when they're being asked what they did once their vein collapsed? I think, ya know, maybe you don't want to butter your biscuits either! I think, ya know, maybe your eyeballing your arm because you're trying to think, "How'd he really do this? Did he seriously sit there picking the vein to slice?" Say maybe you're really asking me all these questions because you really want to know the best way to do it so that yours isn't just an attempt."

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