The gravel road that leads up to Max Patch has this information center at the end of it, this little dilapidated shack with spider webs in the windows. There's always this old man, maybe 60 years-old, sitting on the porch, smoking and reading. My friend, Mo, and I call him Jabba the Hut, just because he never seems to move. He's not fat, he just never moves. I'm sure Jabba runs the place, ya know? He probably made all of the brochures and maps in the little shack. He's got to know every trail around the place like the back of his hand. He doesn't do anything creepy, I mean, he's nice and waves at you while you pass by. It's just kinda strange to me that he's always doing the same thing every time I pass by.
Have you ever read "The Chocolate Touch"? It's this book about this kid named John Midas that loves chocolate so much and eats it so much that he acquires a magical gift that turns everything his lips touch into chocolate.
I feel like someone that loved chocolate a little bit too much kissed Jabba one time and it turned him into a brick of chocolate. And that's why he never moves. Because he can't. He's got to sit there and hope that someone who doesn't like chocolate might drive down the gravel road and if they kiss him or something, then the magic will be reversed.
Mo actually doesn't like chocolate. We always joke around about how Mo should kiss him.
"Hey Mo, kiss him."
Mo says, "Sure enough, he was out there. He's too far back now, though. Maybe next time, ha. I don't know though. That guy's always kinda creeped me out. He seems all jolly and all, but I always see someone like that being on TV for some committed murder, kinda like Ted Bundy or something. I'd never kiss Bundy."
Ted Bundy is this American serial killer legend. He apparently killed like 30 people in 4 years. Sometime in the 70's. His methods were just plain creepy. One of his first murder waves, he killed this girl that went to Washington State. He clobbered this girl with a metal rod from her bed frame while she slept. He seemed to always murder sleepers. It's kinda strange how much I know about serial killers. My friend, Drew, and I are really into telling scary stories and so we sometimes do research on serial killers and stuff so that we can always have the creepiest stories to tell. Yea, we blow people away.