Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Unseen Wounds

I desperately want to see my wounds.

I want to lay in front of God, as gently as one leaf lays in a pile of a thousand leaves. I want to feel like God is sitting on my bed with me as we listen to Sigur Ros and he is looking at me with a crooked smile, because He is proud of me but also simultaneously pissed at me for being so naive. I want to see God as the orchestrator of my problems. He is the balancer of my sin and my purity, putting things in their rightful, named places.

I want to worship God as though something really bittersweet just happened, with a tear of joy rolling down my cheek. Such as, when you attend a funeral and find that most of the prayer is not sad but happy because everyone is in agreement that this person was taken from Earth to worship God in Heaven.

I want to worship God and thank Him, just as my grandfather, William Wemyss (my mom's dad who died a couple years ago), does as he sits in front of God, alongside Ronald Reagan and my dad's dad (Glenn Rucker) and 14 billion other worshippers, as they kneel on a golden road, throwing flowers at God's feet and chanting, "Holy is Your Name!"

5 comments:

Jessika Doyel said...

i hope it will be this beautiful, like you write, and more.

i wrote something new--i think you will dig:)

h. ryann. said...

oh will, this is lovely. simply astonishing.

Jessika Doyel said...

i changed the privacy settings on my blog--i hope/think you can still read it---if not tell me! same for heather :)

Will Rucker said...

i can't read it. i just tried and it wouldn't let me.

Jessika Doyel said...

new address:
http://wendybirdstory.blogspot.com