Wednesday, February 17, 2010


I got really frustrated last night. I was trying to leave my house to go teach my friend, Caleb Gregory, how to develop film and print negatives. BUT I couldn't leave my house until I found my R.C. and Fiber Base paper (it's somewhere in my house, Lord knows it!) I was getting so frustrated because I have about $80 of that paper somewhere in my house. I spent about an hour and a half looking for it. My number 1 weakness as a human is how frustrated I get when I can't find things. I'm pretty sure my bro is the same way.

I ended up leaving my house without it. Then, as I was helping Caleb develop his film, I did the dumbest thing ever. I was distracted because I was telling him about what's going on in Liberia and I accidentally opened the canister that his negatives were shut light-tight in. So I accidentally exposed his negatives to light. Let's just say, I am a guilt-tripper. I beat myself up worse than anyone I know. I felt so bad...

When I beat myself up or get extremely frustrated looking for something, I always see that I'm getting way too angry about something so small. And it makes me see all of the crap that's going wrong with me.

I'm just a little tired of seeing everything that's wrong with me. I've been praying a lot lately that God will help me love myself much more than I do. I don't treat myself well.

The other night at my church, Grace Center, the pastor was talking about kindness. He told story after story of all the moments in his life where God has shown him kindness. He made a really great point, saying, "God is so much more excited and willing to show you kindness if you are grateful to receive it."

I realized right then and there that I really am not grateful. I am pretty spoiled. I always say thanks when people do things for me... and I genuinely mean it. But I never do too much to reciprocate the love there.

The pastor, Alyn, ended his sermon on a really great note. He asked the congregation to show kindness this week. I left the sermon with my mom in mind. I really want to show her kindness every week (not just this one obviously).


benjamin said...

do it man. i love it.

ps. yes, i am the same way. ugh.

mom said...

I think you are kind!!!! Of course moms see the best in their children!